


Millicent and the Master

by GrumpkinVicky



Series: Millicent Avoids a War The Multiverse [7]
Category: Doctor Who, Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Torchwood
Genre: Crack Crossover, F/F, F/M, Fluff and Crack, Hag, Knitting, M/M, Multi, Not Canon Compliant, Pocket Dimension, Sex Positive, The Deathly Hallows, Werewolves
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-16
Updated: 2019-12-16
Packaged: 2021-02-25 22:20:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,487
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21812818
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GrumpkinVicky/pseuds/GrumpkinVicky
Summary: Millicent upset Remus - it was a whole thing that he blew out of all proportion. Millicent goes to track him down, just a shame that the Master has decided now was the time he wanted to take over the world...
Relationships: Millicent Bulstrode/Everyone, Millicent Bulstrode/Remus Lupin
Series: Millicent Avoids a War The Multiverse [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1531325
Comments: 4
Kudos: 6





	Millicent and the Master

**Author's Note:**

> Please read Millicent Avoids a War first if you want this to make some sense, this is just one ending from that story.

Millicent hadn’t seen Remus in, was it months now? She didn’t have the best concept of time out in the middle of the forest. It wasn’t important, she had food, and she’d even remembered to pull out some of the Restricted Section to read. She had been looking for something else, but Remus wasn’t there to judge her like he had everything else.

Neville had long since left years before Remus had. Neville had gotten really funny about the fact that magic didn’t work, or at least didn’t work for him. Millicent thought that had more to do with Neville being reasonably incompetent than lack of magic.

Remus still turned every moon so some still existed. She could cast too, but not Neville so… Or at least Remus had turned until they’d worked out if she stashed him in her hag bag that he wouldn’t. The whole no time business really working out for the old wolf, and in turn for Millicent.

What he hadn’t appreciated was when she’d forgotten about him. For a little while. Maybe a few winters, or a century there was no way to be entirely sure. 

“You promised.” Remus always went with the emotional blackmail angle.

“I remembered to bring you out, and you didn’t turn did you.” Perhaps that hadn’t been the best way to lead into it. Maybe she should have apologised, but Millicent wasn’t about to start bad habits now.

He’d left before the next moon, she hadn’t even heard him howling in the forest. The forest which was getting progressively smaller she’d noticed. The night sky had changed too, gone were all the twinkly stars above, now she was lucky to see the Aurora Borealis. The sky was much lighter now, and things flew across it making noise. 

Still, her forest was relatively well protected, her borders were strong. It had been many moons indeed since anyone had stumbled into her home. It was almost a shame, they’d been delicious fun. Remus hadn’t approved of that sort of behaviour though, and he was a brilliant lay so a Hag did what she had to do.

The first sign of trouble had been when the edge of her boundary had suddenly become barren. Millicent had woken up one morning, pottered out to her greenhouse of Mandrakes to grab a light breakfast, looked up and suddenly no trees.

There had been no trees, no green of any kind stretching for what seemed like miles. It was most unusual. She’d then carried on to a lovely breakfast of poached Mandrake on rye, covered in a nice hollandaise dressing. Breakfast was supposed to be the most important meal of the day after all.

She’d sat on her porch, in her nice rocking chair that Remus had crafted for her one day. He’d done a really good job on it, he was very good with his hands, it had been a while since she’d last seen him. 

Anyway, Millicent had been sat on her porch, knitting a jumper for Remus as a welcome back present, when silver orbs started to bounce against her boundary. It was most rude the way the stupid bludgers kept banging and banging away. She’d almost had half a mind to go smack them away, but then she’d lose count on her stitches and well, Remus would look lovely in the jumper. 

The silver orbs eventually flew off, and Millicent managed to get another sleeve done. It was the fifth sleeve she’d attempted, none of them were the same size, but she was persevering with it. She might not apologise but the jumper was as good as, and Remus would understand. Stupid Gryffindork.

It took more passing of time before she saw them again, the silly silver bludger things, chasing something or someone. Millicent wasn’t really a charitable soul, but rogue bludgers were a menace. More than a menace, a pain in the backside and whomever had released them needed to be shot.

So it only stood to reason that this was the reason why Millicent interfered for the first time since shouting that Death Eaters were invading Hogwarts all those years before.

The stupid things had changed course and had tried to shoot at her. Whoever had come up with the idea of giving the things lasers was a prat of the first order. Probably a Weasley or a Potter; pricks that they were.

“Fuck you!” Millicent had screamed as they tried again. The small group of bedraggled looking people fled to hide behind her. One of the silver orbs made the mistake of getting too close to the bat she had in her hand, the bat she’d got out precisely for this very reason. 

Whilst Millicent hadn’t enjoyed Quidditch, she had been very good at being a beater and smacked it hard into the other spinning them off into the sky. She then had cheated and shot at them with her wand.

Neville may have had issues with magic, but Millicent’s magic had worked just fine. The two bludgers had blown up like pretty fireworks as the group behind her had cheered like idiots. 

It wasn’t that Millicent wasn’t interested in what they had to say. Actually, that wasn’t true, she really hadn’t been interested. 

“You saved us!” Millicent couldn’t help but roll her eyes at that. 

“Right, yep, that’s me, Millicent Bulstrode slayer of bludgers. Now, if you would like to return from whence you came.” Instead of doing so, they had begged and pleaded to stay. It was more effort to kick them out than let them stay, as more and more of the wretched little bludgers came day after day. 

It became a game, with a scoreboard for the most inventive ways for Millicent to kill them. The Muggles wouldn’t play at the killing, but they were happy to come up with ideas. They even encouraged her to allow more people in as they fled. It had become almost intolerable - bar from all the sex she was now getting.

Oh, and it hadn’t just been the sex, not really. More importantly one of the Muggles had been able to get two of the sleeves to match, without fudging it. The length on the arms was the next big battle. As was probably going to look for Remus. That could wait until the jumper was done though, there was no point Remus coming back until she had the not an apology jumper done.

“You all need to say Doctor on this day.” Someone called Martha had turned up. Millicent didn’t need to do any such thing. The jumper, however, was done.

“Right, so I’m off to find Remus, you can stay if you like my peoples.” There had been a moment of stunned silence in the camp of 200 plus who had flocked to her forest.

“He’s dead.” Millicent had ignored Martha, Remus wasn’t dead. He couldn’t be dead until she’d given him the I’m sorry I left you in my bag for over a hundred years jumper. She’d kill him herself if he’d upped and died. 

Martha, having tried to destroy Millicent’s calm had tagged along. The others claiming that it was much safer to stay in her forest than out of it. They weren’t necessarily wrong. Millicent had ended up shoving Martha in the bag for most of her journey. It was easier for all involved. Martha was very chatty, and Millicent just wanted to find her wolf.

“Surrender or die.” Well, Millicent hadn’t been likely to do either, none of the stupid laser things had done a jot to her. Nor was she worried about being surrounded by a load of prats in uniform.

“Whatever, look I’m looking for a wolf, goes by the name of Remus. Likes to wear stupid cardigans, is a beast in the sack.” 

It was at that moment Millicent decided that Muggles really were stupid. They’d all tried to shoot her with their stupid Muggle weaponry. Millicent had a shield, she wasn’t stupid. 

“Look, before I start killing you, I just want to know where Remus is if you’ve seen him. So high, amber eyes, bit wrinkly around the corners. Biiiiig hands, rough too.” She hadn’t been able to stop wriggling a little as she remembered the last time he’d used his hands.

“You need to surrender?” Millicent had sighed, you don’t issue commands as questions it was pretty simple.

“Master must-see Master.” Whomever thought giving bludgers voices was a good idea, Millicent despaired. Probably the same person who thought giving them lasers was, so no doubt Weasley or Potter again.

“Seriously, either answer me or get out of my way.” Millicent had had enough, she’d just wanted to hand over the jumper and then Remus would jump her. 

Having blasted through as the idiot Muggles wouldn’t move out of her way, Millicent stomped her way to the next big settlement. Where she had tried again. And again she’d been greeted with weapons and prats. This time though they’d tried something new.

“Who are you?” A very well dressed woman had asked. It was unusual as all the other Muggles had either been in rags or in uniform.

“Millicent Bulstrode, Leader of the Hags.” Well, Millicent thought it was more impressive than just Millicent Bulstrode. Also, Remus had called himself the only wolf, so Millicent wanted her own neat title. If asked she would fail to mention how long it had taken her to come up with that title. “Hagwitch” had been one version, “Hag Overlady” another. “Haganator” had just seemed a bit silly. Leader of the Hags was far better. 

“Pleasure to meet you Millicent Bulstrode, Leader of the Hags.” The woman had held her hand out in greeting. “My name is Lucy, wife to the Master of Earth.” 

It took a moment for Millicent to process as she was busy shaking the woman’s hand. Earth, she was supposed to be impressed.

“You mean where we are!” Millicent had grinned, obviously, they were on Earth. She wasn’t a stupid pureblood prick who didn’t know what Muggles called things.

“Why yes, if anyone can find this Remus you are looking for - it would be the Master,” Lucy explained. Millicent hadn’t bought it for a minute, anyone who called themselves Master without a profession proceeding was a prat of the first order. Still, it had worth a try, and if not she could always just move on and carry on walking.

“Sure, take me to the Master. Like I keep saying, it’s very important that I find Remus.” Millicent felt it necessary to explain again. It was very important, there’d been a Welsh chap back at the forest who’d been very good. He still hadn’t matched Remus however. There was something about the wolf trying to fuck her into submission that just scratched the itch. 

The Master, as she’d expected had been a right prat. He’d also tried to use stupid weaponry on her. Like she was some sort of Muggle idiot. 

“Look, I don’t know where you got the house-elf from, but you really shouldn’t give them clothes…” The Muggles had all stared at her, as had the house elf. Frigging elves, always with the wrinkly fingers and ears. Made her feel sick just looking at them. And it wasn’t because they looked like wrinkly children, or that they seemed to adore Potter. They were just stupid.

“Submit to me.” The Master had tried.

“Look, Lucy who is much nicer than you, and has better dress sense... I’m getting sidetracked, Lucy said you could find Remus for me. Can you or not?” Millicent gave it the Bulstrode try. Or the Snape try, she wasn’t going to get weepy about her old guardian. The brilliant bastard.

“What are you?” The Master had asked. 

“I’m a Hag, what are you?” She’d meant it rhetorically, he was a muggle or whatever they called themselves.

“I’m the Master, a Timelord.” He’d stared at her, with little lights firing at her. They hadn’t even tickled.

“Right… Well, that’s charming and all, but I really do need to find Remus. He’s like taller than you, bit grey at the temples, a couple of nice scars across his face. He has sharp teeth, like fangs because they are. Really really good in bed.” Millicent let out a mournful sigh.

“Fangs?” The Master asked, dancing around her like a mad man.

“Well, he’s a werewolf, and not a pretend one like you Muggles like to do. An actual werewolf. Howls at the moon. Very good in bed. I need to know where he is like yesterday.” 

“Why?” Lucy had asked, curled up on the bottom step.

“Because it’s been too long, he went off in a bit of a huff. I knitted him a jumper and it’s now finished. So he’ll accept the jumper, he’ll know what it means and then we can have amazing sex.” Millicent had long since given up being delicate about matters. She was a little concerned about how her guardian would react should he hear her.

“He went off in a huff?” Lucy crept closer as the Master had started to sulk in the corner.

“I may have forgotten about him for a bit.” Millicent still hadn’t been prepared to take full responsibility for the act.

“Men don’t like that.” Millicent had exchanged a glance with Lucy.

“It might have been a century. Or two. I’m not entirely sure.” 

“What is a Hag?” The Master interrupted them like a prat. Millicent just gave him a look. 

“What is a Timelord? Are we just asking stupid questions now? You haven’t answered my question. Can you, Master of - um Earth, track down my errant wolf?” There was more random light flashes in her direction. 

“How would you like to be my new Queen?” Millicent gave him a look. 

“How about you not ask me in front of your wife, prat. Look answer the blasted question before I blast you.” Lucy had retreated out of range of the Master, Millicent standing in between them. The Master looked the sort to do something stupid, and the house-elf wasn’t doing anything useful. 

“Enough! Guards take her to the cells to join the freak.” Well, Millicent was having none of it. The Master found himself stuffed in Millicent’s bag for later. The guards just gave up, it was most annoying.

Everything was just pissing Millicent off at that point.

“Look, does anyone know how to find Remus Lupin? Speak now or I’m off.” Millicent tried one last time. 

“Millicent?” the House elf spoke to her, but not in the same voice that they normally did.

It took a while to sort out the whole debacle, the house-elf claimed to be another Timelord as well. Timelords were bizarre in Millicent’s opinion that she shared loudly with everyone who would listen. The Master had at least looked normal enough, but the house-elf was just icky. The freak, however, had been nice, to look at that was, if only a bit stressed by his whole ordeal. 

Lucy had been charming after the whole Master incident had been worked out. The stupid bludgers had been sorted out by the Timelord house-elf who wanted to be called Doctor and not house elf. Well, Millicent hadn’t given a single fuck about what he wanted to be called. 

Lucy had promised that she would work hard to help Millicent to track down Remus after the house-elf did whatever it was he did. Millicent didn’t bother to listen to the explanation the house-elf felt the need to babble.

The house-elf liked to babble, he was almost as much of a prat as the Master. He reminded her a bit of Dumbledork, the meddling for the greater good and relying on other people to do shit. Still, he did manage to promise that Remus would reappear after he did whatever it was he was doing.

“Have you seen Martha on your travels?” The house-elf had asked. It was a little awkward for Millicent, she’d had to shove the Master back in the bag. He’d gotten in the way of Martha’s removal, the Master was very needy when it came down to it.

“Doctor!” Millicent had left at that point. She wasn’t needed for the icky reunion of the house-elf and the muggle. Instead, she’d gone for a tumble with Lucy who was surprisingly active in the bedroom department. The Master hadn’t quite been the Master in the bedroom so to speak. It had been most enlightening.

It took a couple of days to get it all sorted out, the house-elf ended up being less a house-elf and more of a muggle. Millicent wasn’t sure if she preferred him as a house-elf after all. Jack, who looked far better out of the cell, was delightful company. Martha wouldn’t shut up, and Lucy had stayed by Millicent’s side the entire time. To the point where Millicent was beginning to think she was using her as protection against the others.

“So no one outside of the ship will remember this year.” The Doctor had been babbling again. It wasn’t a ship though, ships were in the sea this was not in the sea. 

“Have you found Remus yet?” Millicent asked again. Millicent found that the Doctor answered in long rambling sentences which meant little. He was at least trying, if not succeeding.

“You need to back off.” Martha’s family was just as annoying as Martha. Like Millicent gave a stuff about them waving little knives in her face.

“If he isn’t there when time resets I’ll take you to find him.” The house-elf promised.

“Right, well best hope he is then because I have space in my bag for another muggle.” Remus had reappeared on whatever radar the house-elf used which had been very lucky for the house-elf. Remus had looked very confused when Millicent had thrust the jumper at him, with the house-elf and Lucy staring at Remus in fascination.

“Milly?” Millicent stood there as Jack appeared hanging out of the door.

“I knitted it for you.”

“Um, thanks?” Remus pulled Millicent to the side. “Milly, who are these people?”

“Oh, Lucy is the Mistress of Earth, because the Master of Earth is in my bag still, remind me later to take him out before the moon?” It wasn’t the right time to remind him of the bag. She moved swiftly on. “The former house-elf calls himself a Timelord, some sort of muggle, anyway he likes to call himself the Doctor. Of what who only knows, Timelords like stupid names. And Jack, he’s unkillable, he needs to recover but said he’ll come visit the Forest later after he’s better.”

“I’m not a muggle, I’m a Timelord.” Like Millicent cared.

“Lucy isn’t the Mistress of Earth.” Lucy winked at Millicent as Jack piped up. Millicent would happily call Lucy the Mistress of Earth, she had after all mastered the Master. 

“Still not really explaining who they are.” Remus continued.

“It’s not really important, I mean Jack sort of is, he does all sorts so that should be fun. And Lucy, Lucy is great too, she’s really interested in what we can do…” Millicent leaned forward to give Remus a good view of her chest. 

“Oi!” Like anyone cared about the stupid house elf.

“Right, Lucy keep in touch with Jack, he’s apparently got some way of finding us. Give us like, a month? Maybe two?” Remus growled in her ear, “Three it is then. Three months and then you can come visit. Uh, not near a full moon unless you like that kind of thing.” 

She’d been somewhat surprised to see her forest restored but still with the 200 plus people living there. Then more surprised to see the house-elf again, the pillock was following her she just knew it.

“Millicent!” The welsh man, she should probably remember his name, greeted her.

“I found him. I told you I would, Martha was wrong, surprise surprise…” 

“He’s wearing the jumper, it looks great on him I was a bit dubious about the colour but oatmeal suits him.” 

“Thanks, Steve, yeah doesn’t it just, and the arms aren’t too long if he turns them up a couple of times.” The house-elf was glaring at her from the other side of the barrier. It was nice to see it still worked.

“Jack?”

“Ianto?”

“Oh right - yeah people go to the house-elf he’ll take you all home again. Steve though if you could pop back in maybe a few months like five? With some new patterns and we can try cabling like you said?”

Millicent was convinced that as life went, this wasn’t the worst one yet. Remus was back, and he’d forgiven her for forgetting about him. She had a whole load of interesting people to play with, and she’d even stolen a vibrating toy from the house elf when he had pissed her off. Not a bad life at all.


End file.
